Ever seen Fiddler on the Roof? It’s a play that many schools still perform.

There is a scene where the husband asks his wife if she loves him. She is shocked that he would even ask such a thing, and replies that for 25 years of marriage she has cared for him, took care of the house, made his bed, cooked his food, and reared their kids. And then says, if that isn’t love then what it is?

That playful interaction illustrates one of the most beautiful elements of true love: selflessness.

When we first fall in love we usually say things like,  “I love you” or “I want to be with you.” The focus is on the “I” part of the equation. This is fine and normal. But true love in a healthy marriage focuses on meeting the needs of our spouse and not selfishly on our own.

Falling in love is only the beginning. It’s the first step in an amazing journey where two people become one. But the extreme feelings of intimacy first felt will taper off.

So how can a husband and wife keep passion’s fire burning?

Being considerate and caring are two things they can do to kindle the flames.

Actions speak louder than words.

So your behavior towards your spouse should communicate how much he or she means to you (and this is exactly what it does because it reveals how much or how little that you really care for them).

We are all aware that love and infatuation are two very different things. We also know that love isn’t just an emotion. Love is a decision — a commitment. It’s the action of deliberately choosing to dedicate yourself and energies to making your loved one happy.

If your love is founded upon feelings alone then your marriage will crumble. The focus should be on sustaining the relationship and cultivating an appreciation for one another daily. This leads to harmony and warmth. And you will begin experiencing first hand what it really means to cherish one another.

It is for this very reason that marriage advice typically centers on the idea of being considerate towards one’s partner. Otherwise selfishness creeps in and chokes the relationship.

Love is more than an emotion – it’s a verb, an action — that we demonstrate continually regardless of how we happen to feel on any given day.

The wife in the Fiddler on the Roof expressed it so bluntly and yet so beautifully. Her selflessness and loving care that she so freely offered for twenty-five years revealed a depth and breadth of her love that was beyond question.

How selfless is your love? What would your spouse say about the selflessness of your love? Are you more interested in what you can get out of the relationship or in what you can put into the relationship?

Loving your spouse selflessly and unselfishly creates true love in marriage.