Adultery breaks the heart of the innocent partner and damages the marriage.

Infidelity fractures trust.

Adultery, whether emotional or physical, is ugly.

Anger, bitterness and resentment lead to heated words and bitter clashes.

This situation spirals couples toward divorce or separation.

But it does not have to if the husband and wife are willing to do whatever it takes to repair their relationship.

One of the biggest challenges will be for the innocent spouse to remain calm as the couple strives to work things out.

If your partner has cheated on you, then you have every right to be angry. But if you have agreed to try to save your marriage, then you will have to control your outbursts otherwise you will push your partner farther away.

To rekindle your relationship after an affair, follow these steps:

1. Discover

One of your top priorities will be to discover the reason why your spouse cheated so you can work together to address the underlying issue(s) and heal whatever ails your relationship.

Skipping this step puts your marriage at high risk for a future affair. So roll up your sleeves and get to work determining the source of trouble and then fix it.

2. God

Every marriage has a spiritual component because we are spiritual creatures.

Spiritually, bring the matter before God in prayer. Ask for the grace to forgive your spouse.

And seek God’s wisdom to determine what needs to be addressed, repaired, and healed in order to restore your relationship.

If you and your spouse are committed to saving your relationship, then it is very likely that you will salvage your marriage.

3. Decide

Remind each other that love is first and foremost a decision.

Decide to take divorce off the table – that it is not an option.

Tell your spouse how much you still love him or her, and that you are willing to work things out if they share the same desire.

It is always easier to resolve problems when two people are deeply in love and committed to the relationship.

4. Commit

Commit to acknowledging and being aware of each other’s shortcomings and how they might be contributing to the problem. No one is perfect. Not even the innocent spouse.

Commit to considering the needs of each other and meeting them.

Commit to altering your actions to stop hurting your partner whether or not you are the one who had the affair.

5. Celebrate

If you and your spouse have decided to do whatever it takes to save your marriage, then this is cause for celebration.

Reward yourselves by taking a mini-vacation or trip together. This offers the chance to really communicate and work through your differences without any time restraints or distractions.

So celebrate starting over.

Finally, if you are the spouse who cheated whether emotionally or physically, listen to me very carefully. End the affair altogether – cease all contact – and be faithful to your spouse from this day forward.

When you ask for forgiveness, it should be from a sincere heart and with the intention to change.

If your spouse forgives you, which he or she probably will, then express your deep love for them. Let him or her know how much you dearly want to be with them. Doing this helps to rekindle your love and draw your hearts close.

As you begin to treat each other with grace, love and forgiveness, healing will come. And with time, trust and intimacy will be restored.